With a prompt from my publisher I open a document and read the first unfavorable review for my novel, The Baby Pact. It is inevitable. I have received a number of positive ones so I knew a negative one would likely come. After all, that is the dual way of the lower worlds.
What surprises me is how much it hurts. As I read, I hold my Beloved’s hand, but still, my heart sinks into my stomach and my arms and legs weaken. I tremble with a cold sweat.
All because I have relied on this review.
I paid for it with the hope of using it to further promote the novel. Suddenly, the folly of my reliance unveils.
Again and again at this point in my journey I’m shown that I am to rely on nothing but the Divine current to sustain me.
In the past I have been like an athlete in search of sponsorship. Like those who seek powerful brands such as Nike, Gatorade and Rolex to sustain them, allowing them to focus completely on their sport, I have found entities to subsidize me.
Frommer’s Travel Guides, New Mexico Magazine and a handful of other publications have paid me over the past few decades. I outgrew those sponsorships to great relief of my subtler being, which had grown weary from constant travel and mental gymnastics.
And now, here I sit, sponsorless.
I had one little hope of a sponsor—this review.
Ironically, the reviewer expected the very things that my old sponsors did. He wanted more back-story, more of the characters’ pasts. Most of all, he wanted the characters to act in a more moral way.
In a similar way, the mind always wants me to operate from the dead imagery of the past, and to act from a place of right versus wrong, rather than truth.
Now I’m all for improving my writing, but I sense this is about something deeper.
When I see how this experience is stealing my attention, a note of joy seeps in because I know I am unwinding karma.
I say “game on,” and call on my Beloved.
Within a few hours of releasing this again and again, the wretched mental fog begins to lift.
I recall that some of the most poignant and happy moments of my life were when an entity agreed to sponsor me: when Frommer’s wrote to say they wanted to hire me; when New Magazine offered me a monthly column.
Those moments I radiated with pride over my accomplishments. But most of all I felt safe and loved.
It was like having a supportive father, a protector, a guide. However, with the agreement the sponsor directed where I went and what I wrote—and what I didn’t write. Under that care I was sponsored, but I was not free. I could write my truth only as it served the sponsor’s interests.
So now, as the mental fog lifts, my new sponsor comes into view. I feel my body grow weightless with a sensation of safety and love. But this far surpasses those material sponsorships.
I am so light I float.
It’s a new feeling. Worldly sponsorships always come with a stomach flutter and sweaty palms, a deep knowing that in the end I will give more than I receive.
This is not the case with the new sponsor: my Beloved.
When I rely on the Divine sponsorship, the mind is still. My whole being settles into a sparkly joy. The truth pours through, directing me where It wants me to go.
It does not push me to harm my body. It does not squelch my expression. In contrast, It expands into me showing me that I am as broad as the entire universe. I am the stars and the distant galaxies. I am the essence that infuses all life.
And I am none of that.
Nothing at all
but love.
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Hi Lesley and spiritual friends,
I know from many years of self-marketing how difficult it is to promote oneself in this world, especially if one is on a spiritual path. In my world, I experience more rejection than anything else when trying to book myself or my band for venues. This still hurts and also exhausts…tires me out, deadens my creative side. It is and has been my karmic path and I embrace it! I also know that someday soon I will be delivered to the Real Abode, the True Home, where there is no karma, no rejection, no pain and no egos! I salute all living beings in this world, because there is a grand purpose to living with such resistance and challenge…and I also compliment all souls here for their courage and tenacity to simply take on another moment! Remember, the world is not here to give us anything except “lessons”, for there is nothing here we can keep and no one here that lives forever.
Beautifully said, Al. For as fast as time passes, it can sure move slow sometimes, can’t it?
Al, a lovely tribute to the warrior spirit. Thank you! When I think about you out there serenading the world with your love, all that comes up is success, because I know you are doing it, despite any rejections. Your path is an inspiration. And I also see that as I meet the resistance in my walk I need not wait to be delivered. I can be home right now. Truly, with the Beloved we can rise above the duality of good performance/bad performance in any moment, knowing we are soul, untouched, pure love.
What lovely insights Al. Blessings to you and your creative flow.
beautifully said sweetheart!
Thank you, Debra, and I so appreciate you sharing this with your friends on Facebook. I know how you have been challenged by rejection this year and yet you sparkle with love. You are champion athlete in the sport of creation.
Lesley, again, I am stunned at your velvety grit. “Game On” is the perfect title as you look at rejection of a work you had put your heart and soul into. It shows courage, sure, but more than that you show determination to face it, fight it and defeat it. And you know just the way to do it — with one hand on the sword and the other firmly in the palm of the Beloved. It is very inspiring, perfectly timed just for me. Thank you so much!
Beautifully said, Rudy: “with one hand on the sword and the other firmly in the palm of the Beloved.” Yes! We all face rejection and criticism daily and truly we can stand tall within it, knowing that we exist far beyond the poles of these lower planes. The critics help us so much in reminding us where our attention is dwelling. They truly help us launch homeward. Thank you, dear friend.
Lesley~ Your way with words, as always, reached deeply to my own truth as I read your post this morning. My creative spirit can only connect with the muse when I am not expecting anything and just want to express what I have received. Long ago I stopped doing “custom” jewelry & paintings for others because I discovered they are never satisfied & really should just be doing their own work~!
Sally, thank you. I love the way you said: “My creative spirit can only connect with the muse when I am not expecting anything and just want to express what I have received.” So very true. And how great that you know that you can choose when and how to create. That is our great blessings when we recognize it.
It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”—Theodore Roosevelt
To me, the most interesting thing about criticism and rejection is my very own reaction to it. Now, we all know what rejection is…it is thwarted desire and is a lance into one’s ego. We all take things personally even if we know better! The greatest men and women, whom we all admire, have faced inconceivable criticism and rejection from the world. They plodded on anyway and transformed the times in which they lived. I have a saying/joke that applies here: “I tried waiting for success but decided to go ahead without it!” This is not the time to be hiding at home or sitting on the sidelines. The game is on! And the game is one’s very own existence, one’s own life and saga. I don’t intend on leaving my mark here in neon lights. My role is to touch and be touched, via the vehicle of music. I can think of many creative friends who give so very much, and receive so very little from the world. Yet, they continue to give and give of themselves, their heart and their soul. For years I believed spirituality was to be attained in seclusion, blocking off the external, in favor of the internal (meditation, spiritual study). I now realize why this tendency was so dominant earlier in my life: I DID NOT WANT ANY MORE PAIN!! And I now realize that it was the coward’s way and that no real gain could come of it. Friends, we all must find our talent and gift, and develop it, then start to give it. Deep lessons will surely come one’s way, pain will surely visit one, but it’s worth it! How can we relate to our fellow men/women (and their pain) if one has not traveled the road of rejection? Hats off to those who resonate with this note…you are my spiritual brother and sister! And we will find our way home just as surely as the coming of your next breath.
Al, reading this first thing this morning has fueled my creative energies. You are so right. Stepping in and being the creator of our own destiny is truly the Way. Thank you, dear, inspiring friend!
Al, beautifully expressed. As always, what both you and Lesley share is communicaated with much love, the outflow of Shabda, which draws each of us who read your words INWARD. For me, learning surrender is such a challenge, but with the guidance of the Shabda Master, and the support and encouragement of other chelas, i have no doubt that I will continue on this MP journey.
That was just Fantastic, exactly what this month’s focus has been on, the reliance on the old vs the new 🙂 Thank You for this Insight.
Thank you, Ben, and you summed it up perfectly. Wow, it is so simple. Old vs new; dead vs alive! Yay.
Very well said, Leslie… I am now gearing myself up for my own book being published and am reserved about showing too much excitement while also knowing it is important to express the “WoooHooo’s” and the “Yeeeehaaaa’s” and to feel them. At the same time knowing there may be critiqueing that is hurtful–but only hurtful if I take it personally. So, shoring up my emotions and heart so that I take it as it comes, when the time comes, is paramount. Thank you, I look forward to your free course–it comes at a great time…
Cynthia
Congratulations on your book, Cynthia. I look forward to hearing more about it. And thank you for signing up for the course. You point out the wonderful thing about the path of soul. We really can have our Wooohoos and Yeeehaaas, while remaining detached from outcomes. It is a tricky, razor-edge walk, but it is true. When my first copy of The Baby Pact came in the mail I cried, just for the joy of seeing so much effort come into fruition in the material world and actually hold it in my hands. And yet, I keep being shown how small it is in comparison to the whole of creation that I truly am. We really can be in this world and yet not OF it.
Loved it!
How liberating the lessons of seeing what we rely on, other than the Beloved, as we move thru our life experiences and use each one as a mirror to reveal our attachments and dependancies on all that is not real. How easy the short-lived pain in the emotional and mental bodies. How instantaneoulsy healing the shift or our attention from the old, dead image to the alive Ideal! . How joyous the journey!
Thank you, Lesley, for sharing yours so openly so that we your readers and friends can identify and be reminded that all is for our evolvement if we so choose.
And negatives can help us find balance in the pinda as well. I am sure you will use all feedback to become an even better writer and teacher. I too am looking forward to your course, and will remind my fellow writers.
Thank you, Sheila. I love your tribute to our continuing evolvement. Truly, how joyous is the journey. And yes, as our Beloved says, “Keep your critics close.” Every viewpoint is just a part of the whole, and when I stay IN the whole I can see how necessary they all are to this great wonderland of creation.
Beautifully expressed, as usual, Leslie. I personally loved the book, but there will always be the the balance of negative for every positive. That’s just this pinda reality. I have to remind myself of that often working in a high school. I love the way you surrendered to the Master and found bliss and joy once again. Your message always inspires me so much. Thank you.
Thank you, Marian. I am happy that you enjoyed the book. I like to think of it as a love letter to the world, rather than some serious opus that even merits criticism, but isn’t that true of our lives? We are this beautiful love radiating into creation, but the mind thinks it needs to be more, do more, try harder, and all good gets warped and lost. We truly can just BE our authentic selves.
Oh my dear Soul Sista! Each post is such a sweet gift. You have nailed it for me this month.
Letting go of the expectations and worn out reactive patterns that still come bubbling back up, like a bad meal, I am sensing a more propitious time to better negotiate them to the “Hall of Laos” where they belong.
With a sword and the hand of the Beloved-Love leads the way. How can one go wrong.
Your gift is rare and exquisite-hold fast and strong mighty warrior-ess.
XOXOXO
Deborah
Thank you, Deborah. I know you are in the midst of recreating your life in a big way, and I’m happy we can share that great quest. You too are a great warrior who inspires my journey.
Lesley I appreciate you deeply. I am always moved in how the Master leaves no stone unturned. Game on, you betcha, Eye on the Beloved and the Beloved alone.
Well said, Karina. “Eye on the Beloved and the Beloved alone.” Yes! And I appreciate you deeply as well.
Querida Lesley, a writer once told me that “you write for you and only you, let all the chips fall where they may”. So long as we know who that “You” is I see this as true.
Not everyone loves the sun, and yet it is very necessary for life here on earth.
What a privilege he has who has a True Master, for while the pendulum swings below, no such thing exists above only freedom in the Now.
I’m not done with your book yet, my schedule has not permitted me to read it as I would like to. I consider your book a treat I wish to enjoy slowly.
Much Love my friend…:-) <3
Such beauty in your words, Logan. I am absolutely loving sitting at the top of that pendulum and letting it swing. When I sit within the great radiance I have nothing to get from the lower and only to give. Thank you for reading my book and for your sweet wisdom.
My dear friend Lesley, it is truly amazing to me how you took this adversity in your life this set back and went within and found the higher purpose of your karma! I have learned much from this post, and know now for myself all my setbacks in business and life are calls to come home, to go within to the Master and thus are blessings! I first felt such pain for you and then as i read on I saw such joy emanate from your story and saw that the Master was channeling through you to us all! We are all blessed by your being, and I really do want to thank you for sharing this experience in your continuing sojourn of soul!
Thank you, Lesley, for sharing such a pivotal point in your life.
There are so many good nuggets here, that I think I’ve re-read this blog more times than any other!
And, congratulations on making the shift from writing about the mechanics of how to be spiritual; to giving us a real-time, blow-by-blow account of how you reacted to and ultimately handled the stream of emotions by applying those very same spiritual principles. It’s a great example; worth reading again and again.
Hallelujah! Thank you for sharing the journey.